A Surprising Realization About Parenting
Today, I had an interesting and unsettling realization. I found myself avoiding my children, feeling an overwhelming urge to say: “No, you shouldn’t need me. Do your own thing.”
This reaction baffled me. How could I, a devoted mother, instinctively push my kids away? Was I being selfish? Was I simply overwhelmed by the endless responsibilities that come with being both a parent and a full-time psychotherapist in Ontario? Was this a lingering effect of COVID-19 and Zoom fatigue? Or—my deepest fear—was I just a bad mom?
I didn’t have an answer until I took the time to reflect on my own childhood and finally connected the dots.
Understanding the Root of My Parenting Patterns
When I was a child, the people I loved often left me, or I left them. Our family moved frequently, and as a result, I had to learn to be independent. I had no choice but to rely on myself, to figure things out on my own, and to expect little from others.
It was a survival mechanism. And now, without realizing it, I was passing down that same lesson to my own children.
This was a profound moment of clarity. My instinct to encourage my kids to be independent wasn’t about a lack of love—it was about my past experiences shaping my present-day parenting style. I wasn’t a bad mom. My intentions were pure. My love for my children was unconditional (well, mostly anyway).
How Our Childhood Influences Our Parenting
So, what does this have to do with you?
Every one of us carries unconscious lessons from our childhood into our adult relationships—whether with our partner, parents, friends, or children. These early experiences shape our beliefs and behaviors, often without us realizing it.
For example, if you grew up feeling abandoned, you might struggle with feelings of insecurity or fear of rejection in your relationships. If you were constantly criticized as a child, you may find yourself doubting your abilities as a parent. And if you were raised to believe that a “good mom” does everything perfectly, you might feel immense guilt for not living up to that impossible standard.
When we don’t take the time to examine these deep-seated beliefs, we can misinterpret our thoughts, emotions, and actions. We might judge ourselves harshly, assuming we’re failing as parents when, in reality, we’re simply repeating old patterns we learned in childhood.
Breaking the Cycle: Self-Reflection and Growth through a Parenting Consultation
What would happen if you took a moment to dig a little deeper? If you explored the beliefs and fears that drive your parenting behaviors? If you extended yourself the same kindness and understanding that you offer your children?
By engaging in this kind of self-reflection, we can develop greater empathy for ourselves. Instead of feeling guilty or ashamed for certain behaviors, we can recognize them as learned responses—and then make intentional choices to change them.
This is where a parenting consultation can be incredibly helpful. Speaking with a professional can help you untangle the subconscious influences shaping your parenting style, allowing you to make positive changes with confidence and clarity.
Do You Recognize Yourself in This?
Do you sometimes catch yourself reacting in unexpected ways to your children? Do you find yourself overreacting to small issues, unsure why they trigger such a strong emotional response? Do you ever feel stuck, wondering how to move forward and become the parent you want to be?
If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Many parents experience these feelings, but awareness is the first step toward positive change.
Ready to Explore Your Parenting Journey?
If you’re looking for support, consider scheduling a parenting consultation to gain deeper insight into your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Having a professional guide you through this process can make all the difference in understanding yourself and improving your relationship with your children.
To get started, contact our office at (613) 877-4148 or email us at hello@limestone.clinic to set up a free 15-minute consultation. Don’t worry, it’s virtual!
We’d love to hear about what’s on your mind and help connect you with the right support so you can feel more like the parent you truly want to be.
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